And with each strike of lightening

And with each strike of lightening

Comes a memory of some good old times

A flashback

Whispers of some golden years of upbringing

Long lost in this race to succeed and excel

Days of unbounded excitement,

A thrill,

A buzz,

A flow of air, soaked in fragrance of merriment and jollity

Like a leaf on the branch of tree, fixed but free

Swinging to and fro, with the breeze

Each drop of rain on my face today

Is taking me through those streets of marvel

Through a boulevard of long lost living,

Through those golden years of my splendid upbringing

Love

Some thinks love is just a word in the air

Some thinks it shows you heavens in despair

Some loves to leave the lies of their lives behind

And some loves, to meet that only one, one they can’t find

I am in love

In love with the way you see me through your eyes

The way you touch me

Hold me, kiss me and empowers me

To give it, a one more try

I am in love with everything you do

I see love, even in your lies

They say everyone comes in your life

To teach you a lesson and go away

Well if that’s the truth

I will prove to be a worst student for you

Will never learn what you come to teach

Because I never want to let you go

I will give you my heart; I will give you my soul

I will make you the owner, of everything I own

Just a promise I want, from you my girl

That you will hold me tight, when I am falling apart

That you will hold me forever, forever in your arms

If my love is strong enough

I will seize you, amidst hundred harms too

To me, you know you are very special

Angels like you in this world, are very few

Happiness

In recent times, i have tried exploring a lot of places
A lot of empty rooms,
A lot of passage-ways, crammed full of people
Have dived into a lot of bottomless seas
And have tried flying above these infinite skies
Just to bring to fruition, the meaning of the simple word
HAPPINESS?...

A state where i will be free,
A state where 'outside happenings' can't effect what's there inside
A magical situate, where all i see is love
Love for the people, love for the challenges
Love for me, love for everybody
A miraculous learning, that my life is perfect
The way it is...
And exits and entries can't affect the heaven i feel
A terra-firma, from where everything looks beautiful
Everything has the power to fascinate me, inspire me
And make me smile
And my heart is so light, that a simple flow of wind
Can move the world in me
And fly me to the magical spaces still unknown
Where my thoughts are so steady, that a simple flower
Can lend me a shaft of light, for the whole day

I think i have found it... Happiness...
Nor in the depths of the seas, neither in the infinities of the skies
Nor in the vacuum, neither in the crowd

I have found it here....in the fortifications of my beautiful heart
With a simple realization
That happiness can never be found...it can only be felt inside
And a man is always happy...
if he has the fearlessness and audaciousness to accept it....

DREAMZ

Hi Dreamz,

Cant miss to talk to you more than that.:(....how have you been??????.....no good smileys coming your way today..:P....well..i am going to be slightly vague .......coz am typing instead of writing....(we ll discuss about that later)

Mood is horrible....a common feature ...dese days....:P...but yeah....sometimes it gets tough to carry on..like today..especially without you//:((((

Several days have passed by, and i realize that you are the only thing thats keeping me alive, keeping me with a vision, which still can see good in this world..

Yeah i know, last time i promised you about something.....i remember.....well...yup i am back with some answers but have several other questions as well...:P......

To begin with, i would like to tell you that 'yesssss'......itz difficult....very difficult to live and to pretend that i am ok...... the picture that keeps playing my mind never gets the ending it deserved...n yeah....that bothers me....every moment, every second.........hmmmmmm..

Well....i am living someone else s life these days....cant get anything right.....thinking about nothing but how to live through an entire day.......things go mad....and i wonder......how i managed to survive when i was in school......had nothing to play with,, had nobody to talk to...it was just me alone....but still i never felt like this, may be the reason is that i dint have anything to THINK about as well at that time.........well.......yup....i try to not to think about anything.....plead for numbness.....but nothing happens.....no one answers....an i keep drinking this pain.......with a thought.....this will be over.....sooner or later.......:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((..............

Yeah you talked about smile that day......well....
somethings look good when they are natural.....cant pretend i am alright when inside a part of me is dying.....
talking about people around....well ....i dont really talk to anyone these days.....and i am a little afraid to speak as well....no one seems to hear my silence..........and if anyone cant understand my silence....i cant give them the words .....:(....and that hurts me a lot....

Lately i have been trying to live like a foreigner to myself......who know nothing about me....about my future. about my past.,,,,,but the trouble is ,...:((((( in the process of fooling myself around, i forgets to forget about that feeling,,cz of which i changed my identity....:((((((((((((((((((((((((((.....

And its not just inside of me.....it seems that despair is in the air these days.....at home..at clg.....everyones busy....everybody is just singing the same old song.....may be in different tunes....but the lyrics doesnt change......

Yeah.....you said its just the matter of time....its all just in my mind....will be over soon....well....living on that hope....may be///as always u will be right this time as well.....and you u cant imagine how badly i want you to be right.....:((

I know....this independence day will be the worst i ever had....but this is the story of everyday now.....at the end of everyday i think....how worse can the next day be then this.???,,,n each new day brings in some new grains of sadness ....making it even more worse...:((((......

Hmmmm....i think i should go now......will talk to you soon........dont know when this hand will start writing again....:(..
bbyes for now..............

Anguish

What a soul searches on this earth

An absolution, a release, forgiveness

From all these black and white colors of life

From tormenting greed to satisfying need

Everything that demands something in return

A search which never ends

And the soul keeps moving in circles

Trying to forget, it’s previous round each time

To fool herself by saying that you are intelligent

By saying that you know everything

About life, about journey, about people, about immortality

But reality holds a different view

A soul never comes to know its dimensions of contentment

About its limits of limitless happiness it can pursue

About the power it holds in itself, to move the world inside

And ties itself into the trivial earthly belongings

That never reaps anything in return, else but endless grief

My Old Guitar

Always knew a day will come ashore

When I will be forced to kill the child in me

When I will be running perpetually in this never ending race

Race for money, race for power, race for happiness

Race for survival

And now I sense, I never really sang that song of love

I always had the tune of which, in the back of my mind

I never really showed to this dismayed world

The happiness, I had in me

But still I console my soul

By telling her the description of a day

A day when the world will change its face for me

A day when I will sit with my old guitar under that old tree

With mountains in front and with cold that could freeze

With clouds all clear, and the mollifying breeze

On that day, I will sit with a quiet hope

A quiet happiness, searching the old me

And will sing the songs of life, of death
of happiness, of fret, of emotions attached to a soul

And of all the beautiful seasons of my life, I could not hold

Will sing to the cold breeze

Will sing at the top of my voice

Because no one would hear to judge me

And yeah!!.... I will be happy, no more cries

And at the end of the day, I won’t feel sad

Because I never learnt to play any other instrument

But feel satisfied from my heart

That I can still play all the seasons of my life

Through……… my old guitar

The Wind

The clouds were thundering

The wind was wild

The soul was shimmering

Watching the barren lands

Rejuvenating again

With the dead remains,

Washed away from the surface

Giving way to the new life latent inside

Dormant, guarded by the ghosts of lifeless

The wind was never this hoarse

Inbuilt barriers were always stronger than its force

And new beginning

Were never able to get that push,

Might of which be able to lead it to the home

But

The barriers are not strong now,

Like they were before

Been threatened to be broken and ripped

Out of the hearts of this captured soul

But can this wind continue its flow

Till the entire barricades are out from the root

Because such winds have blown earlier as well

But this time, I just want complete freedom

Nothing less, any more

Loneliness

How can I show you the world?

Where I have lived in the recent past.

How can I lend you my eyes?

To see the invisible pain I am going through

The days

That you thought were the strings of my happiness

Were just another addition closer to my death

And the day

That you thought was somehow the best

Instead was the one when I wanted to die

Negativity

Flowing through the windows of my heart

And unable I am to shut them down either

Because the day you went out

You broke them all

Leaving me in abyss

Helpless and inexpressible

The Stage

The stage is set to sing the best song of your life

After a long time, someone gets it to do so

Let them hear you loud, making decisions and your choices

Making your days, like a dream come true

I have seen the torture of the powerful here

I have been through the merciless sunsets, countless times

I have traded my wants for my needs here

And have been slaughtered in this crowd

Like a life, worse than the hell at times

But a hope was there, always deep inside

That I am going to gather the strength one day

That one day I will watch, sun rising till the top

And will cherish the moment, through the roads of life

And will send them a message, with a joy in my heart

That yeah, finally

I have set the stage to sing the best song of my life

After a long time though, now the time is mine

Confusion

Sometimes you just can’t articulate

A feeling resting inside of your heart, for so long

Like a wind, with an unknown aroma

Sometimes relaxing, even the most distressing thoughts

And sometimes, setting up a rage inside

Even when the calmness is smeared all around

May be I am afraid of understanding this emotion

Or may be its meaning, is beyond my understanding

But somehow it seems I can’t contain it any longer

As a stranger, with a nameless belonging

And

Words- I am searching for

To bring to the surface

This emotion, swimming deep inside of my heart

To free my self from this jumbled being

And

To rule again the world inside

Lost In The Crowd

Today I was born

And exultant was the world in my eyes

I only knew the language of angels

My mother sang for me every night

I felt lucky to be untaught of the world

That hates the one who smiles a lot

That horrifies the one, who tries to make a change

And sadness was the emotion, faceless yet

I grew with the thought that I am born to live

To dream, to laugh,

To enjoy the moments and every breath I can take

To explore the world with the vision of a child

And see everyone, as they were born to beautify my fate

But, somehow something changed my vision

I didn’t protected that innocence in me

And let killed the world I used to see once,

And forgot the happiness I used to visualize

In every moment, in every sight,

In every situation, even during the darkest night

And all I hear is the mourning of that childhood now

That cries, and saddens to see me now

ME- who have forgotten how to dream

How to laugh again with that soul- vanished somewhere

The Dance

The day is scenic today

And my life seems to be giving something more

My heart is brimming with a fire to relish

And cleanse my dirty soul I have carried all along

Today is the best day to

Dance again

Yesterdays may not have been excessively celebrated

May be tomorrows will embrace hardships again

May be today doesn’t last forever

But in my heart it always will

As a day I was reborn and today it seems is the best day

To dance again

I want again to live in this beautiful world

With a never ending spark

With all the tribulations I may face

And all the happiness yet to come

Because today may be my last day

To dance again

Reflection

A contemplation linger in the vicinity of my mind these days

Trying to give something, more than just happiness

As if wanting me to look beyond the boundaries

My eyes are capable of considering,

As if trying to make me learn a lesson

Never taught to me by anyone in this world

Lesson, with the topic- ‘How to live’

How to hide all your sorrows, to see a smile on others face

How to smile as much as you can to combat the demons

Sitting inside the hearts of our spirits

How to look for sun in your heart

When despair is pouring in the rains of darkness

But can a soul really learn all of it in one go

Can you really climb a mountain in one day?

You have been planning to overcome since your birth

Is it as easy to live as it is to die?

Unable, I am to witness its intentions

Are they here, these feelings- to help me learn

Or prove to me my –helplessness

Let Go

I just want to let go

Some feelings resting inside of my head

Some emotions I himself once created

With an assurance that I can carry them all along

As the strength to fight this jumbled novelty

WORLD

But somehow I feel,

My strength is fading

The weights of these emotions

Is pushing me down, day in and day out

And today I feel, it’s the time to just

Let go

And have a notion of a free soul, again

But is this as easy as we can decide

To throw them away in one go

I have lived this feeling since the day it was born

I have fed these emotions

With all my care and love, making them strong

The central attention of all my thoughts

And the main switch of me in any form

But today,

I feel that everything was just wrong

That I have been fooled

Just to believe in a beautiful lie

That can never be a truth

And

I just want to let go

Let go these feelings tonight.

But is it really easy to let go

A part of you

After knowing that it will always be inactive

Still

Expectations

Expectations colossal

We have from our loved ones

Sometimes even more than we deserve

More than the other one is agreeable to accept

Like you covet

That you are the only satisfying means for other

Like your happiness is pleasure of other

And your sadness is excruciating for other

But don’t we expect too much

Aren’t we all just humans?

Who are born alone, live alone, and die alone

Who himself can give the best satisfaction to

Themselves

But what about love than

About the trust we cultivate in others

Aren’t we expected to even expect that much?

Joyous

Satisfied and unperturbed I am feeling today

Like I am prearranged the best I deserved

And Slaughterers of my beautiful panorama toward you

My life…..

Seems like have all finally burnt away

And illimitable again is my euphoria towards you

My life,

And I am finally enjoying your stay

Have you ever been beleaguered by an unavoidable ache

Like pain is relishing its detention in your heart

Like happiness has turned into a god u always pray to

To shower some acquittal and freedom

A respite from this painful dart

And finally you realize… you yourself is the creator

You yourself is the destroyer

And choice of being any one is also yours

You are the master of what you want to think of

Do you really need a respite from a pain?

Which is nothing but state of mind

Which can be changed in a second or two

Do you really want to cry for something?

Something which is not in control of you

Angel

This delicate scent in the air, tonight

Is the keepsake of your presence once

Of your subsistence, of your existence

Of the days you taught me

Of the days you seized me

When I was fallen apart…

Once

Something more than just life you were to me

And I kept you higher than anyone ever

Guardian angel, the first thought in the morning you were

And the first dream in the night I ever wanted to see

Missing you today, dreadfully I am

And searching for your touch

Searching for your eyes, that believed in me more

Searching for your lift, searching for your words

Searching for you today, I am

Why did you have to leave?

Look I have fallen again …

Didn’t I share with you those golden moments?

A lifetime whole, I would like to cherish till death

But you left me

Do you miss me there in heavens?