DREAMZ

Hi Dreamz,

Cant miss to talk to you more than that.:(....how have you been??????.....no good smileys coming your way today..:P....well..i am going to be slightly vague .......coz am typing instead of writing....(we ll discuss about that later)

Mood is horrible....a common feature ...dese days....:P...but yeah....sometimes it gets tough to carry on..like today..especially without you//:((((

Several days have passed by, and i realize that you are the only thing thats keeping me alive, keeping me with a vision, which still can see good in this world..

Yeah i know, last time i promised you about something.....i remember.....well...yup i am back with some answers but have several other questions as well...:P......

To begin with, i would like to tell you that 'yesssss'......itz difficult....very difficult to live and to pretend that i am ok...... the picture that keeps playing my mind never gets the ending it deserved...n yeah....that bothers me....every moment, every second.........hmmmmmm..

Well....i am living someone else s life these days....cant get anything right.....thinking about nothing but how to live through an entire day.......things go mad....and i wonder......how i managed to survive when i was in school......had nothing to play with,, had nobody to talk to...it was just me alone....but still i never felt like this, may be the reason is that i dint have anything to THINK about as well at that time.........well.......yup....i try to not to think about anything.....plead for numbness.....but nothing happens.....no one answers....an i keep drinking this pain.......with a thought.....this will be over.....sooner or later.......:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((..............

Yeah you talked about smile that day......well....
somethings look good when they are natural.....cant pretend i am alright when inside a part of me is dying.....
talking about people around....well ....i dont really talk to anyone these days.....and i am a little afraid to speak as well....no one seems to hear my silence..........and if anyone cant understand my silence....i cant give them the words .....:(....and that hurts me a lot....

Lately i have been trying to live like a foreigner to myself......who know nothing about me....about my future. about my past.,,,,,but the trouble is ,...:((((( in the process of fooling myself around, i forgets to forget about that feeling,,cz of which i changed my identity....:((((((((((((((((((((((((((.....

And its not just inside of me.....it seems that despair is in the air these days.....at home..at clg.....everyones busy....everybody is just singing the same old song.....may be in different tunes....but the lyrics doesnt change......

Yeah.....you said its just the matter of time....its all just in my mind....will be over soon....well....living on that hope....may be///as always u will be right this time as well.....and you u cant imagine how badly i want you to be right.....:((

I know....this independence day will be the worst i ever had....but this is the story of everyday now.....at the end of everyday i think....how worse can the next day be then this.???,,,n each new day brings in some new grains of sadness ....making it even more worse...:((((......

Hmmmm....i think i should go now......will talk to you soon........dont know when this hand will start writing again....:(..
bbyes for now..............

Anguish

What a soul searches on this earth

An absolution, a release, forgiveness

From all these black and white colors of life

From tormenting greed to satisfying need

Everything that demands something in return

A search which never ends

And the soul keeps moving in circles

Trying to forget, it’s previous round each time

To fool herself by saying that you are intelligent

By saying that you know everything

About life, about journey, about people, about immortality

But reality holds a different view

A soul never comes to know its dimensions of contentment

About its limits of limitless happiness it can pursue

About the power it holds in itself, to move the world inside

And ties itself into the trivial earthly belongings

That never reaps anything in return, else but endless grief

My Old Guitar

Always knew a day will come ashore

When I will be forced to kill the child in me

When I will be running perpetually in this never ending race

Race for money, race for power, race for happiness

Race for survival

And now I sense, I never really sang that song of love

I always had the tune of which, in the back of my mind

I never really showed to this dismayed world

The happiness, I had in me

But still I console my soul

By telling her the description of a day

A day when the world will change its face for me

A day when I will sit with my old guitar under that old tree

With mountains in front and with cold that could freeze

With clouds all clear, and the mollifying breeze

On that day, I will sit with a quiet hope

A quiet happiness, searching the old me

And will sing the songs of life, of death
of happiness, of fret, of emotions attached to a soul

And of all the beautiful seasons of my life, I could not hold

Will sing to the cold breeze

Will sing at the top of my voice

Because no one would hear to judge me

And yeah!!.... I will be happy, no more cries

And at the end of the day, I won’t feel sad

Because I never learnt to play any other instrument

But feel satisfied from my heart

That I can still play all the seasons of my life

Through……… my old guitar